presents nine key things that you can avoid in
order to increase your emotional intelligence and
performance.
1. They Won’t Let Anyone Limit Their Joy:
When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are
derived from comparing yourself to others, you
are no longer the master of your own happiness.
When emotionally intelligent people feel good
about something that they’ve done, they won’t let
anyone’s opinions or accomplishments take that
away from them.
While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to
what others think of you, you don’t have to
compare yourself to others, and you can always
take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That
way, no matter what other people are thinking or
doing, your self-worth comes from within.
Regardless of what people think of you at any
particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re
never as good or bad as they say you are.
2. They Won’t Forget:
Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive,
but that doesn’t mean that they forget.
Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s
happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t
mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance.
Emotionally intelligent people are unwilling to be
bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes,
so they let them go quickly and are assertive in
protecting themselves from future harm.
3. They Won’t Die in the Fight:
Emotionally intelligent people know how
important it is to live to fight another day. In
conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your
heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave
you severely damaged. When you read and
respond to your emotions, you’re able to choose
your battles wisely and only stand your ground
when the time is right.
4. They Won’t Prioritize Perfection:
Emotionally intelligent people won’t set
perfection as their target because they know it
doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature,
are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re
always left with a nagging sense of failure, and
you end up spending your time lamenting what
you failed to accomplish and what you should
have done differently instead of enjoying what
you were able to achieve.
5. They Won’t Live in the Past:
Failure can erode your self-confidence and make
it hard to believe you’ll achieve a better outcome
in the future. Most of the time, failure results
from taking risks and trying to achieve something
that isn’t easy. Emotionally intelligent people
know that success lies in their ability to rise in the
face of failure, and they can’t do this when they’re
living in the past. Anything worth achieving is
going to require you to take some risks, and you
can’t allow failure to stop you from believing in
your ability to succeed. When you live in the past,
that is exactly what happens, and your past
becomes your present, preventing you from
moving forward.
6. They Won’t Dwell on Problems:
Where you focus your attention determines your
emotional state. When you fixate on the
problems that you’re facing, you create and
prolong negative emotions and stress, which
hinders performance. When you focus on actions
to better yourself and your circumstances, you
create a sense of personal efficacy that produces
positive emotions and improves performance.
Emotionally intelligent people won’t dwell on
problems because they know they’re most
effective when they focus on solutions.
7. They Won’t Hang Around Negative People:
Complainers are bad news because they wallow
in their problems and fail to focus on solutions.
They want people to join their pity party so that
they can feel better about themselves. People
often feel pressure to listen to complainers
because they don’t want to be seen as callous or
rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a
sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their
negative emotional spiral. You can avoid getting
drawn in only by setting limits and distancing
yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: if a
person were smoking, would you sit there all
afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke?
You’d distance yourself, and you should do the
same with complainers. A great way to set limits is
to ask complainers how they intend to fix a
problem. The complainer will then either quiet
down or redirect the conversation in a productive
direction.
8. They Won’t Hold Grudges:
The negative emotions that come with holding
onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just
thinking about the event involved sends your
body into fight-or-flight mode. When a threat is
imminent, this reaction is essential to your
survival, but when a threat is ancient history,
holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your
body and can have devastating health
consequences over time. In fact, researchers at
Emory University have shown that holding onto
stress contributes to high blood pressure and
heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means
you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally
intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs.
Learning to let go of a grudge will not only make
you feel better now but can also improve your
health.
9. They Won’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want
To:
Saying no is indeed a major challenge
for most people. “No” is a powerful word that you
should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to
say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid
phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not
certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors
your existing commitments and gives you the
opportunity to successfully fulfill them.
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