project or your preschooler to wipe his own hiney
after using the bathroom, persuasion is a skill
that's instrumental to your success in life.
Persuasive people have an uncanny ability to get
you leaning toward their way of thinking. Their
secret weapon is likeability. They get you to like
more than their ideas; they get you to like them.
Here are the 15 tricks of the trade that
exceptionally persuasive people use to their
advantage.
1. They Know Their Audience
Persuasive people know their audience inside and
out, and they use this knowledge to speak their
audience’s language. Whether it’s toning down
your assertiveness when talking to someone who
is shy or cranking it up for the aggressive, high-
energy type, everyone is different, and catching
on to these subtleties goes a long way toward
getting them to hear your point of view.
2. They Connect
People are much more likely to accept what you
have to say once they have a sense of what kind
of person you are. In a negotiation study,
Stanford students were asked to reach agreement
in class. Without instruction of any kind, 55% of
the students successfully reached agreement.
However, when students were instructed to
introduce themselves and share their background
before attempting to reach agreement, 90% of
the students did so successfully.
The key here is to avoid getting too caught up in
the back and forth of the discussion. The person
you are speaking with is a person, not an
opponent or a target. No matter how compelling
your argument, if you fail to connect on a
personal level, he or she will doubt everything
you say.
3. They Aren’t Pushy
Persuasive people establish their ideas assertively
and confidently, without being aggressive or
pushy. Pushy people are a huge turn off. The in-
your-face approach starts the recipient
backpedaling, and before long, they’re running for
the hills. Persuasive people don’t ask for much,
and they don’t argue vehemently for their
position because they know that subtlety is what
wins people over in the long run. If you tend to
come across as too aggressive, focus on being
confident but calm. Don’t be impatient and overly
persistent. Know that if your idea is really a good
one, people will catch on if you give them time. If
you don’t, they won’t catch on at all.
4. They Aren’t Mousy
On the other hand, presenting your ideas as
questions or as though they need approval makes
them seem flawed and unconvincing. If you tend
to be shy, focus on presenting your ideas as
statements and interesting facts for the other
party to mull over. Also, remove qualifiers from
your speech. When you are trying to be
persuasive, there is no room for “I think” or “It is
possible that.”
5. They Use Positive Body Language
Becoming cognizant of your gestures,
expressions, and tone of voice (and making
certain they’re positive) will engage people and
open them up to your arguments. Using an
enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms,
maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the
person who’s speaking are all forms of positive
body language that persuasive people use to
draw others in. Positive body language will engage
your audience and convince them that what
you’re saying is valid. When it comes to
persuasion, how you say something can be more
important than what you say.
6. They Are Clear and Concise
Persuasive people are able to communicate their
ideas quickly and clearly. When you have a firm
grasp on what you’re talking about, it’s fun and
easy to explain it to those who don’t understand.
A good strategy here is to know your subject so
well that you could explain it to a child. If you can
explain yourself effectively to someone who has
no background on the subject, you can certainly
make a persuasive case with someone who does.
7. They Are Genuine
Being genuine and honest is essential to being
persuasive. No one likes a fake. People gravitate
toward those who are genuine because they
know they can trust them. It’s difficult to believe
someone when you don’t know who they really
are and how they really feel.
Persuasive people know who they are. They are
confident enough to be comfortable in their own
skin. By concentrating on what drives you and
makes you happy as an individual, you become a
much more interesting and persuasive person
than if you attempt to win people over by trying
to be the person they want you to be.
8. They Acknowledge Your Point of View
An extremely powerful tactic of persuasion is to
concede the point. Admit that your argument is
not perfect. This shows that you are open minded
and willing to make adjustments, instead of
stubbornly sticking to your cause. You want your
audience to know that you have their best
interests at heart. Try using statements such as, “I
see where you are coming from,” and “That makes
a lot of sense.” This shows that you are actively
listening to what they are saying, and you won’t
just force your ideas upon them. Persuasive
people allow others to be entitled to their
opinions and they treat these opinions as valid.
They do this because it shows respect, which
makes the other person more likely to consider
their point of view.
9. They Ask Good Questions
The biggest mistake people make when it comes
to listening is failing to hear what’s being said
because they are focusing on what they’re going
to say next or how what the other person is
saying is going to affect them. The words come
through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost. A
simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of
questions. People like to know you’re listening,
and something as simple as a clarification
question shows not only that you are listening but
also that you care about what they’re saying.
You’ll be surprised how much respect and
appreciation you gain just by asking questions.
10. They Paint a Picture
Research shows that people are far more likely to
be persuaded by something that has visuals that
bring it to life. Persuasive people capitalize on this
by using powerful visual imagery. When actual
images aren’t available or appropriate, these
people tell vivid stories that breathe life into their
ideas. Good stories create images in the mind of
the recipients that are easy to relate to and hard
to forget.
11. They Leave a Strong First Impression
Research shows that most people decide whether
or not they like you within the first seven seconds
of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the
conversation internally justifying their initial
reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by
knowing this, you can take advantage of it to
make huge gains in your likeability and ability to
persuade. First impressions are intimately tied to
positive body language. Strong posture, a firm
handshake, a smile, and opening your shoulders
to the person you are talking to will help ensure
that your first impression is a good one.
12. They Know When to Step Back
Urgency is a direct threat to persuasion, so tread
lightly. When you try to force people to agree
instantly, studies show that they are actually
more likely to stand by their original opinion. Your
impatience causes them to counter your
arguments in favor of their own. If your position
is strong, you shouldn’t be afraid to back off and
give it time to sink in. Good ideas are often
difficult to process instantly, and a bit of time can
go a long way.
13. They Greet People by Name
Your name is an essential part of your identity,
and it feels terrific when people use it. Persuasive
people make certain they use others’ names
every time they see them. You shouldn’t use
someone’s name only when you greet him or her.
Research shows that people feel validated when
the person they’re speaking with refers to them
by name.
If you’re great with faces but have trouble with
names, have some fun with it, and make
remembering people’s names a brain exercise.
When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask
his or her name a second time if you forget it right
after you hear it. You’ll need to keep the name
handy if you’re going to remember it the next
time you see the person.
14. They Are Pleasers
Persuasive people never win the battle only to
lose the war. They know how and when to stand
their ground, and yet they are constantly making
sacrifices that help their cause. They are always
giving in, giving ground, and doing things for other
people that make them happy. Persuasive people
do this because they know in the long run this
wins people over. They know it’s better to be
successful than it is to be “right.”
15. They Smile
People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the
body language of the person they’re talking to. If
you want people to like you and believe in you,
smile at them during a conversation, and they will
unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a
result. Persuasive people smile a lot because they
have genuine enthusiasm for their ideas. This has
a contagious effect on everyone they encounter.
Putting It All Together
Persuasive people are adept at reading and
responding to other people. They rely heavily on
emotional intelligence (EQ) to bring people to
their way of thinking. With 90% of top performers
high in emotional intelligence, it’s no wonder that
persuasive people rely on this skill to get ahead.
Add these skills to your repertoire, and you’re on
your way to joining this exclusive group.
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